Dealing with Loneliness and Shyness

Make friends even if you feel shy or socially awkward

Are you shy and self-conscious in social situations? Feeling lonely and lonely, but not sure how it connects with others? You may feel like you are the only one, but the truth is that many people are struggling with shyness and social anxiety. No matter how awkward and tense you feel in someone else's company, you can learn to silence self-critical thoughts, build self-esteem, and feel confident in interacting with others. You don't have to change your personality, but you can overcome fear and build friendships by learning new skills and adopting different perspectives.

Need help dealing with shyness and loneliness?

As human beings, we mean being social creatures. Buying a friend makes you happy and healthy. In fact, being socially relevant is the key to mental and emotional health. However, many of us are shy and socially shy. We're worried about unfamiliar people, what to do, or what other people think of us. This allows us to avoid social situations, cut ourselves off from others, and gradually become isolated and lonely.

Loneliness is a common problem for people of all ages and backgrounds, but most of us hesitate to hesitate. But loneliness is not shy. Sometimes it is the result of an external situation. For example, moved to a new area. In such cases, there are many steps you can take to meet new people and make friends.

But what if you've been shy, socially anxious, or have a long history of making friends? The truth is that none of us are born with social skills. They are things that you learn over time. The good news is that you can learn. Regardless of your age or situation, you can learn to overcome shyness or social awkwardness, eliminate loneliness and enjoy a strong and fulfilling friendship.

Is shyness and anxiety a problem for you?

Are you afraid to look silly in social situations?

Worried a lot about what other people think of you?

Do you often avoid social situations?

Do other people seem to be much more fun than you are in social situations?

Do you think it's your fault as if someone refused you or was indifferent?

Is it difficult to approach people or engage in conversation?

After spending time with others, do you tend to criticize your "performance" while still living?

Do you often feel bad about yourself after socializing?

Answering "yes" to this question may help this article.

Let's tackle social anxiety and fear.

When it comes to shyness and social awkwardness, what we say makes a big difference. There are some common thinking patterns that can weaken your confidence and cause social anxiety.

I think you are bored, hated, or strange.

I believe other people evaluate and judge you in social situations.

I believe that if you make a social mistake, you will be rejected and criticized.

Believe in being rejected or socially embarrassing would be terrible and destructive.

Believing what other people think of you defines who you are.

If you believe these things, the social situation seems scary. But the truth is never so black and white.

People don't think about you-at least not as much as you think. Most people are obsessed with their lives and interests. Just as you think about yourself and social issues, others are thinking about yourself. They are not spending free time judging you. So don't waste time worrying about what others are thinking about you.

Many others feel awkward and tense like you. When you're socially anxious, everyone else can seem confident and outgoing. But that is not true. Some people are better off hiding it than others, but many introverts there are plagued by the same self-doubts as you. The next person you talk to is likely to worry about what you think!

People are much more forgiving than you think. In your mind, it's very creepy to say embarrassing words in front of the public. You are sure that everyone will judge you. However, in reality, it is unlikely that people will greatly criticize social fakes. Everyone has done it at some point, so most people will ignore it and keep going.

Learn to accept yourself.

When people start to realize that they are not carefully reviewing and judging all your words and actions, you will automatically feel less socially nervous. But it still remains the way you feel about yourself. Too often, we are our own worst critics. We work hard on ourselves in ways that never separate from strangers.+

Learning to accept you doesn't happen overnight. You have to change your mind.

It doesn't have to be perfect as you like. In fact, our imperfections and shortcomings can be lovely. Our weaknesses can also bring us closer to others. When someone is honest and open about their vulnerabilities, it's a bonding experience. Especially if you can laugh at yourself. If you can comfortably accept awkwardness and imperfection, others will do the same. They may even like you.

It's okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. That is the human part. So take a break when you are confused. Your values ​​are not perfect. If self-pity is difficult, look at your own mistakes, like your friends'. What did you say to your friend? Now follow your advice.

Negative self-evaluation does not necessarily reflect reality. In fact, they are probably, especially if you don't:

Sing names like "poisonous", "useless", "foolish", etc.

Overcome yourself with everything you should or shouldn't.

Create full generalizations based on specific events. For example, tell yourself that if something doesn't go as planned, you'll never do things right, fail, or always ruin.

When thinking of such distorted thoughts, it is necessary to stop and consciously challenge. Pretend to be a fair third-party observer and ask yourself if there is another way to see the situation.+

Build your social skills one step at a time.

It takes practice to improve social skills. Don't expect to be socially comfortable without taking the time, just as you don't expect to do well on the guitar without a little effort. In other words, you can start small. Go with a more confident and social attitude. Then build on success.

Smile someone passing by on the street.

Compliment someone you meet during the day.

Ask someone a casual question (e.g. in a restaurant, "Was you been here before? How about steak?")

Start a conversation with a friendly cashier, receptionist, waiter or salesperson

How to face the biggest social fears

As for what actually amazes us, we want to gradually face fear, starting from a slightly stressful situation to a scenario that stimulates anxiety. Think of it as a stepladder that is a bit more stressful than the last one each. Don't move on to the next step until you have a positive experience with the steps below. For example, if it becomes very anxious to talk to new people at the party, here is a stepladder you can use.

Go to the party and smile a few people.

Go to the party and ask a simple question (eg "Do you know what time it is?"). Once they answer, thank you politely and excuse yourself. The key is to make the interaction short and sweet.

Ask a friend to introduce you at the party and help you with a short conversation.

Choose someone from a friendly and friendly party. Introduce yourself.

Identify and approach groups of non-threatening people at the party. There is no need to make a large entrance. Just join the group and listen to the conversation. Please write 2 comments if you wish. However, do not apply too much pressure.

Join another friendly and friendly group. Join the conversation a little more this time.

Additional tips for developing social confidence

Fake until you make it. Acting as if you are confident, you can be confident.

Focus externally, not internally. Instead of worrying about how you are coming and what you are trying to say, switch your own focus to others. You will live more at that moment and you will feel less self-conscious.

Smile. If you're doing something embarrassing, use humor to visualize things. Laugh, learn, keep going.

Do things to help others. Or to brighten up someone else's day. It can be as small as a compliment or a smile. When you spread positivity, you will feel better about yourself

Tips for conversation

Some people instinctively know how to start a conversation with someone. If this is not your lucky type, the following tips will help you start talking when you first meet.

Here's an easy way to talk to someone new.

Pay attention to the surroundings or circumstances. For example, if you are at a party, you can share your thoughts about the venue, restaurant or music in a positive way. "I love this song." "The food is great. Have you ever eaten chicken?"

Ask non-free questions. It is a question that requires more than a yes or no answer. Stick to the reporter's creed and ask questions starting at one of the 5 W (or 1 H): who, when, what, why, or how. For example, "Who are you here?" "Where do you usually stay?" "When did you move?" "What are you busy with?" "Why would you become a vegetarian?" What is Wine? "Most people enjoy talking about themselves. I think asking a question is a good way to start a conversation.

Use compliments. For example, "You really like your wallet. Can I ask where you got it from?", "You look like you've done it before, can you tell me where I should sign?"

Pay attention to anything you have in common and ask follow-up questions. "I play golf, what is your favorite local course?" "My daughter also went to that school. How about your son?"

Continue the conversation with a small conversation. Obviously don't say provocative things and avoid heavy topics like politics or religion. Focus on the same lighting subjects you have in common, such as weather, the environment, and schools, movies, and sports teams.

Listen effectively. Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn. If you shape what you say next, you can't focus on someone's words. One of the keys to effective communication is to focus completely on the speaker and show interest in speaking. Occasionally nod, smile at the person and make sure your posture is open. Encourage the speaker to continue small verbal signals such as "yes" or "uh huh".

What to do when a social situation exhausts you

There is a common misconception that the extension is not social. In fact, introverts can be social, like extroverts. The difference between the two is that introverts lose energy when they are around them and recharge by spending time alone, while extroverts get energy by spending time with others.

What this means is that even socially confident insiders will get tired after a lot of social activities. It does not mean that you have something wrong or that you cannot lead a fulfilling social life. You just need to understand your limits and plan accordingly.

Do not exaggerate. Once you have a social gathering, you can refuse social invitations because you need a break or a break. For example, after having a fun Saturday with friends, you may have to spend Sunday alone to rest and recharge.

Take a mini break. There will be times when you feel loose, but you can't leave the situation for a while alone. Maybe you are on vacation at a busy work competition, with friends, or visiting your family during the holiday season. In these situations, find time to get out into a quiet corner when you don't look rude. Even 10 to 15 minutes here and there can make a big difference.

Talk to family and friends about your time alone. Think first about the fact that socializing drains you. There is no need to be ashamed, and if you try to hide it will become socially exhausted. Good friends are compassionate and willing to accommodate their needs.

Dealing with social frustration and rejection

When you put yourself there socially, there will be times when you are judged or rejected. Maybe you've reached out to someone, but you don't seem to be interested in starting a conversation or friendship.

Rejection is bad. But it is important to remember that it is part of life. Not only do not everyone agrees to start a conversation with you, but it goes without saying that you become a friend. Like dating, meeting new people inevitably comes with some element of rejection. The following tips will help make your time easier with social frustration.

Don't take things too personally. Others may have a bad day, be distracted by other problems, or be in an unspeakable mood. Always remember that rejection, like you, has a lot to do with the other person.

Keep things in perspective. The opinions of others don't define you, and that doesn't mean you don't care what others are about to be your friends. Learn from experience and try again.

Don't fall for a mistake. For example, even if you said something you regretted, it is unlikely that someone will remember it after a short time. Think positively; Don't tell yourself that you don't show yourself failure or you can't make friends. Very shy people do the same, and you will too.